DD2 (actually step daughter) is apprently getting married next month. 3rd time this has been planned to the 3rd man--the first 2 dropped her before the wedding....
DH already gave her $500 for his 1/3 of her dress--she is paying 1/3 and so is grandma. $1500 for a dress that grandma is sewing herself... fabric must be made of gold.
This is the step daugher that stole our id, forged checks, stole credit cards, police dog and more--she has been in jail 3 times that we know of. Debtors call here weekly looking for her, and she does not live here.
The man she is marrying just did time for rape--only they don't call it rape anymore--it is now sexual abuse. He is also currently going through classes for anger control and domestic relationships. I don't feel he is a good choice, and I don' want my 3 young daughters around him. He has a violent temper, has done time for it (just got out last month) and has a filthy mouth.
Since I voiced my opinion, I am now the blacksheep. DH family won't talk to me. DH got an invition to the wedding address to him only. Even if I and the little girls were invited, I doubt we would go.
Now I hear there were 2 bridal showers (which I was unaware of) and that the rumor is going around that I refused to go. THAT is what bothers me--instead of saying I was not there because I was not invited, the bride lied and said I refused.
Poor hubby is stuck in the middle. He wants to attend the wedding, it is his daughter dispite her problems and who knows, maybe this deadbeat will turn her around (??) and it will work out.
Am I crazy for stating I don't think marrying a former rapist is a good thing??? My mother in law thinks I am wrong for putting the poor man down when he is trying to overcome this. She now has me and my attitude on her church prayer lists. Of course, she left out the fact that he is on the sex offenders list........
Am I the crazy one here??
April 30th, 2009 at 03:56 am
April 30th, 2009 at 04:25 am 1241065555
April 30th, 2009 at 05:03 am 1241067824
April 30th, 2009 at 10:13 am 1241086404
April 30th, 2009 at 10:17 am 1241086671
April 30th, 2009 at 01:10 pm 1241097006
April 30th, 2009 at 01:17 pm 1241097428
One thing I would say is that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't force it to drink. You can articulate your opinion but people don't have to agree with you or follow it (even when you are right).
If it were me, I would probably voice my concerns, hope for the best, and prepare for the worst. Good luck and I do truly hope that is he and your DSD are on the straight and narrow.
April 30th, 2009 at 01:20 pm 1241097635
I doubt in this case, anything you say or do to defend yourself is going to work. Stepdaughter has it out for you, and they will sympathize with the bride (unfortunate as she is). So I would give up on trying to defend yourself and tell DH to go and have a good time. HE knows stepdaughter is spreading lies, so he can go to the wedding and listen to all the %^&*(#@. And if anyone asks YOU why you weren't there, simply tell them you were not invited, have DH say that too.
It is only a matter of time before this all falls apart and SIL-to-be goes back to jail. I'm sure she will probably have a couple of kids with him first while he abuses her, etc. and I'm sure it will be no pleasure to you to be proved right.
April 30th, 2009 at 01:53 pm 1241099630
April 30th, 2009 at 01:54 pm 1241099660
Stand up for your beliefs. You're teaching your children to choose their friends and what is acceptable behavior from what you are doing.
Funny thing is we would never tolerate or even let our children associate with what you have described.
I have had to stand up to certain things over the years. My sons are grown and I can see the difference in keeping them away from certain people in the family.
April 30th, 2009 at 02:32 pm 1241101972
April 30th, 2009 at 03:24 pm 1241105076
April 30th, 2009 at 09:30 pm 1241127037
This girl is a mess, and marrying this guy is not going to do anything but exacerbate the problem.
Relationship counseling, and anger management is not going to help this guy if he is a rapist. He is bad news, and I wouldn't let my kids anywhere near him if I were you.
I realize your husband is in a tough spot. He might be acting on guilt because his daughter is from a "broken home" and he feels part of her negative behavior is his fault.
As a former social worker, I've seen too many men like your step-daughter's fiance. He is not going to magically turn into a nice guy.
You need to tell your mother in law that you hope for the best, but until you see a positive change in both, you are reserving judgment. I'd also let her know that you were not invited to the showers, or the wedding. I'd send a modest gift, and best wishes, and keep my distance! Good luck.
April 30th, 2009 at 09:59 pm 1241128799
You don't have to voice your condemnation for her, but at the same time you don't have to allow your kids near this guy. When she's ready to listen, be there for her, but in the mean time, keep it between you and DH and keep your family safe.
April 30th, 2009 at 10:26 pm 1241130368
Y'all have a pig ready for market? How about sending as a wedding present a huge bucket of fresh, warm, uncleaned chitlins? ...(just kidding.)
May 1st, 2009 at 04:52 am 1241153570
Just had to add a note for swanson. Give it a little more time. My mom did not come to my wedding (my 2nd) for different reasons. It was rough for awhile, and naturally I was hurt, but we have now completely reconciled. Life is too short to hold grudges...
May 1st, 2009 at 03:37 pm 1241192236