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I'm beat--a vent more or less

March 7th, 2012 at 11:45 pm

I don't normally work full time. I don't need to and I don't want to. I have in the past, but right now my number one priority is my children. My husband supports us very well. If he didn't, I'd be out there working daily.

That being said, I don't just sit around and eat bon bons (although some of my inlaws seem to have that idea, as they don't understand why I can't do things at the drop of a hat.) I hate it when someone asks what I do, and I tell them I am a sahm. I had a career and it paid very well. I gave it up by choice, and I didn't give up my IQ--only my job.

I do volunteer work, mentor with families who have issues with finances or parenting, (on the volunteer level and also on the state DFS level). We homeschool our children, I teach one day a week, have daycare kids 18 hours a week, sub teach and run my own business of which I control the hours and clients. If we have family issues, such as sickness, field trips, company, or worse-we just had a family member pass from cancer, I can lesson my business. If I decide to increase it, I can quickly increase it by opening up days I had blocked for family.

Sometimes I go out for my business (I teach cpr, health and safety classes) sometimes they come to me (we use our homeschool class room).

I have rental property--it adds to our family income as well. This month I have been teaching much more than usual--I picked up some classes due to the flu going around as other instructors were sick and I wasn't. Between my rental and class income I have either brought in or invoiced over $4000 this month. By Friday n Saturday night I will have taught 9 classes just this week alone... and, I will be out of town with the kids for 8 days doing volunteer work from tornado damage.

Yet, some of the inlaws....and a few others, constantly badger me asking when I intend to get a "real job". So far I evidently haven't found the correct response, as I keep getting asked again and again.

Do other small business owners or sahm get asked this?? what defines a real job--a paycheck from someone you are dependent on to schedule your life for you and pay your only what they think you are worth?? (I'd rather have my families kisses and hugs for payment any day of the week).

11 Responses to “I'm beat--a vent more or less”

  1. crazyliblady Says:

    Maybe you could ask them when they intend to get a "real life." They seem to be so preoccupied with whether or not you have a job that apparently they do not have real lives. What are they worried about anyway? It's your personal business. They should mind theirs.

  2. EarlyRetirementJoy Says:

    I find a polite "Why do you ask?" followed by silence until they respond is almost always a great, non-confrontational, way to move the focus off of you and over to them.

    It works for almost any awkward exchange -

    -Gee, don't you get bored not having a job? Why do you ask?
    -You and your husband must be rich since you don't work? Why do you ask?
    -Gee, have you gained weight? Why do you ask?
    -How much do you make? Why do you ask?
    -How much do you weigh? Why do you ask?

    And so on and so on. I don't believe we are required to respond to questions ultimately meant to put us on the defensive.

  3. wowitsawonderfullife Says:

    EarlyRetirementJoy, that's brilliant!
    I'd also say "I already have the best job in the world - why would I want to do anything else?"

  4. creditcardfree Says:

    I completely agree with ERJ....I have heard this advice before and it does work!

  5. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:

    Geeze, I'd be irked. What could those in-laws be thinking??? Do they dismiss everything you do as just a bunch of hobbies or something? I like the suggestions given so far.


  6. CB in the City Says:

    Sometimes you just have clueless people in your life and you have to learn to ignore them!

  7. ceejay74 Says:

    That's too bad. But I think the majority of people realize that SAHM is as challenging -- and rewarding -- a career choice as any other. Especially if you homeschool, volunteer and work on top of it!

  8. ThriftoRama Says:

    That's pretty rude. I would say you already have several real jobs. I usually don't get that, though. I think my in-laws and family don't understand why I work at all. They have very different ideas about what women with young children should be doing!

  9. Miz Pat Says:

    Holy Moly - you are AN EXECUTIVE! You run a company call "FAMILY" with mutiple tasks, sub-companies which are your many jobs, "SCHOOL", which is homeschooling and day care, "COMMUNITY" which is your volunteer work and I think I got tired just thinking of all the organizational skills you must have to do so many varied tasks.

    I wish I were more like you, Dear, you are a HERO!

  10. MonkeyMama Says:

    Unfortunately, we get unsolicited input from both sides. People have said the stupidest things to me over the years in regards to being a working mom and about hubby staying home. So basically, you can't win. I think it's why it's easier for me to just throw up my hands and think, "whatever." I have a pretty clear picture that someone is always going to have stupid and useless opinion, no matter what choices I make.

    I have noticed over the years the ones with the most input are the most unhappy with their own lives. The stupider things the people have said, the more quickly I eventually found their marriage was over or they had lots of personal issues. So that also helps me just to set aside the stupid comments. (It's not always about jealousy, but it is about being unhappy and far too concerned about others).

    I never understood the concept that you have to have a job to be a productive member of society. I know way too many people who don't have "jobs" and do so much for their families and communities.

  11. Jerry Says:

    Perhaps you could invite these (incredibly rude) people to compare their pay stubs with your monthly invoices, and see where that leads? I can't believe how people can be so ridiculous. If you are doing the things that you love, then what business is it of theirs? You are providing insurance of vital support for the growth and development of your family in a variety of ways, and they should butt the heck out. Forget them, they are boorish. You are awesome.
    Jerry

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